January 2011
1 post
November 2009
8 posts
Pivotal Moment:
In Da Club. Lil Jon.
———————<3
“I like me blonde. I feel so much more kickass.”
– Angface.
really?
Dear Ashley,
Do you really wanna do this all over again? Do you really wanna push everyone away over one person freaking you out? Sure.
Sincerely,
Yourself.
“WE DIDN’T FUCKIN’ RUIN YOUR FALLUJAH DAY! FALLUJAH RUINED YOUR...”
– ashley/motherfuckin/harrison
i liiiiike.
Tom: Heyo
Ashley: Heya
Tom: Are you in Fayettenam?
Ashley: Ugh yes. I guess I am back. Idk how i got talked into staying here but I suppose am.
Tom: hahhahha. you must have done somethin bad in a previous life. way to go previous you.
Ashley: LOL! dangiiiiiiit. My sister talked me into i think. But Oklahoma is probably worse than here. to be honest ha
Tom: ouch. ah well fair enough, time to make the best of it. there should be enough business to start a portrait business. plus group photos-- birthday parties, platoon pictures etc. make the best of your time in purgatory
Ashley: yeah see i figured so too but until people figure out i am here i guess i need to do something ha.. it's seriously awful right now. NO ONE IS HERE
Tom: go paddle boat
Ashley: It's SO COLD!
Tom: i like siestas. i ought to move to spain so i can truly culturally appreciate them near the beach. in a little house.......or a shack
Ashley:
haha.. i would not do well living on the beach. i burn. within like half an hour. uugh
Tom: me too but it'd be worth it. every day would be like a vacation. every night watching the sky, the smells, the weather. its like squatting on the edge of passion, almost caught in it, but bound by responsibility. it'd be nice
Ashley: you make it sound pretty awesome lol. count me in. i do love the beach i just dont love the aftermath
Tom: well to dream a dream not so awesome would be like looking forward to night terrors/sorrow-- pursuit of happiness is the goal methinks, not so much the money
just the opportunity
Ashley: i suppose you're right.. i'm happy just anywhere, unless i'm hungry.. not good then lol..... or lonely... uuuuuugh i hate being lonely
Tom: haha yeah lonely sucks
Ashley: absolutely.
Tom: but its a motivator at the same time-iddnt it?
Ashley: loneliness?
Tom: ya. its like desire, ambition on a personal level
Ashley: hmm.. a motivator? possssibly. I kinda stall out and suck at life when i'm lonely.. I end up being a hermit and making it worse i have nooooo idea why.
Tom: sometimes it seems as if we've got lessons to learn from life and until we conquer or absorb them we endlessly repeat them like making the same mistakes same decisions, same boundaries and if there is no clash, no victory... we'll never shed that...snake skin
Ashley: i totally agree with that.. my biggest thing forever was i never ever wanted to be alone.. then i after i was for awhile mucho good things came from it.
still not my fave thing.. but it's necessary sometimes.
Tom: yes maam. agree. speaking of lonely, i am going to take that nap. you in?
Ashley: lol i wish. Enjoy.
Tom: if you say so. ^^ talk to ya later.
October 2009
5 posts
Either way I can't breathe.
“All I have to say is goodbye. We’re better off this way. I’m alive but I’m losing all my drive…
And everything isn’t only what it seems. It’s time to say goodbye…….”
so, I’m struggling and I can’t be happy anymore. I need to let myself mourn. I can’t hold it all together anymore. I’m not ok. Disappearing...
TFLN
(858): I rubbed one out into an envelope, and mailed it to her. game point, i win.
(918): It’s just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she’s drunk.
(918): I’m in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
(405): There really should be an “avoid ghetto” option on my GPS.
(410): He seems like he has feelings, which is...
truth haha
“And no super glue can fix this shit
When I break I break I break
Not even a...”
September 2009
8 posts
“I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me… but...”
– american beauty
i'm so unsure
of what i need to be doing right now. FUCK.
Listen
“I want a lover i don’t have to love. I want a boy who’s so drunk he...”
“I’m gonna go get a car for a hotdog.”
– my drunken version of i’m taking the car to get a hotdog. fml.
August 2009
22 posts
*
i know that i just need to disappear for a bit, but it’s so hard for me.
is it weird that i feel like when i do everyone, specifically him, will forget about me?
i need to breathe. turning off my phone, and barricading myself in my room until i no longer feel this way.
once again i've lost control
the only drugs that are even popular anymore are all the dummy drugs. all the drugs that make you more boring, all the mood stabilizer, anti depressant. everyone’s got some mental disorder they’ve been diagnosed with, and they take a fucking pill. they push them on me all the time. ruined so many relationships, cause i think. i think all the time. sorry. it’s not A.D.D. i’m...
reason #784
you remember every little thing about me and the things i said and cared about and even wore from the first night. people don’t do that too often anymore.
“I don’t know if I’ve ever been good enough. I’m a little bit...”
one thing sweetpea.
I can’t handle it when you talk down to me.
I know you don’t know me well enough to know i notice yet, but i do.
& I absolutely hate it. i’m a big girl. i got this.
i'm not thinking of you again
The sun is always in my eyes, It crashes through the windows, and Im sleeping on the couch, When I came to visit you, Thats when I knew that I could never have you, I knew that before you did, Still Im the one whos stupid And theres this burning, like theres always been, Ive never been so alone, and Ive never been so alive.
favorite
Are you frightened by the weight you possess oh Is this life just weightlessness The smoggy twilight in LA I can’t think of one real thing to say And you and me are walking in the canyons She forgets that we were friends I guess it all depends on your mood Why can’t these meds be any damn good And she said Why can’t you be Like my waterpik shower massager A sweet reliable...
i'm just a little withdrawn from the world
i’m so sorry you hurt. i feel the hurt you feel every single day, and i know it sucks, but please don’t shut me out. don’t do this to me. i’m here, and more than anyone i understand. i need you to let me in. i need you to stop running. i will listen. i have listened. so please, stop pushing me away. i’m not going anywhere.
“believe me when i say, not talking to...
new love.
When will I start to learn I’m bleeding in this game Cause she uses boys like bandages But the wounds remain the same And I hope you find it through this endless wandering I’m missing you for so long You’re a question mark and a scar You twist me up like a tourniquet Till I don’t know who we are Chasing after you won’t change a thing And I hope you make it...
mmmmmm
It just makes my day when i can buy a pack of cigs for less than 3 doll hairs.
gotta love new marlboro promotions!
54’s are my bitch lover.
my water says:
“enhanced with minerals for taste.” I don’t want my water to taste, you dumb fuckers.
if you got the wine i got the time
tonight i want a bottle of wine and anyone that i can carry on a stimulating conversation with.
that’s all.
life's rough
N o w I s i n g a n d d r i n k a n d s l e e p o n f l o o r s , a n d t r y h a r d n o t t o b e a n n o y e d b y a l l t h e s e p e o p l e w o n d e r i n g a n d w o r r y i n a b o u t m e . b u t w h e n I ’ m s u f f e r i n g t h r o u g h s o m e a w f u l d r i v e , s o m e o f y o u m a y o c c a s i o n a l l y c r o s s m y m i n...
“You get me outta the rain, you get me outta my clothes.
You hope I don’t...”
oh, and, i never have time to just write anymore. i gotta do that. i gotta do that asap.
feels like i'm in crazy competition with my past.
i promise you i will run from anything that remotely resembles a relationship. you’re freakin me out. i’m bout to bail and i’m very sorry.
“it’s not you it’s me”
hahahahahah but really. man, i just can’t deal with it all. it makes me nervous, and it weirds me out. sooo, i guess in true ashley fashion i will leave before this even starts. i...
revenge is sweeter than you ever were.
Once said, always said. I will hold the past over your head. I’ll speak my mind whenever I feel slighted. I am hellbent on extracting all of my revenge. Take heart, sweetheart, or I will take it from you.
“My God, what a world you love.”
– as cities burn
glub glub.
so i’ve been reading the blue bloods series and i must say i’m very impressed. i now want to grow fangs, move to the lower east side manhattan, and spoil myself while running through a slew of boyishly good looking lacrosse players.
thanks alot mellisa de la cruz.
July 2009
36 posts
fuck right the hell off.
i can’t fucking tell you how many times i’ve sat elbows to knees, head to palms, and lost my mind trying to figure out what the fuck is wrong with you.. and despite every sincere attempt to make sense of this, I can only find myself writing you off as a hopeless fucking lunatic.. you’ve got more issues than a years subscription to straight jacket hourly.
i can’t even...
whore meet liar.
your 3 am texts usually piss me off; last night, not so much!
I will leave long before i ever stay.
truth.
i got completely shit wrecked so often when we were together to avoid actually ever getting to know you well. because getting close to people makes me feel icky and nervous.
